(Two Scientists—S1 and S2—stand beside an EPA Administrator seated before a desk with a laptop on the raised platform. A Young Woman, G, inspired by Greta Thunberg, sits on the other side of the administrator. In front of them is a bot wearing a long red tie and an imitation nose, a stand-in for Donald Dealer.)
Administrator
(Speaking to the two Scientists)
I’m glad you can be with me this morning to create our Global Warning Report.
(Turning to G who nods in acknowledgement.)
And I applaud the work you’ve done to raise awareness among both young and old!
(To all three.)
As you know, we can’t use the words “climate change” anymore. It’s an executive order.
(S1 groans. S2 laughs scornfully. G looks away in disbelief.)
S1
(Pointing to the bot.)
What’s that for?
Administrator
(He sings.)
It’s the presidential presence,
Pre-programmed to speak out.
A required omnipresence
With the presidential snout.
(Speaking.)
As of yesterday, all the offices in the EPA are required to have one.
(S1 groans, S2 laughs, and G looks at the bot curiously.)
Just to let you know, I’m not only taking notes, I’m recording this session. In a reversal of procedure, our report will be shared with media first, the White House second.
(S1, S2 and G all nod and smile.)
Now please begin!
S1
(As he sings, the Administrator takes notes on his laptop.)
The oceans can protect us, eating up what we emit.
But our seas are more acidic, less oxygen rich.
It’s up to us, what we allow and what we will permit,
Or soon we’ll map sea-level rise by feet not by the inch.
S2
Our coral, seabirds, mussels, fish, our polar bears and trees,
Are shrinking, fleeing, starving, dying just to be succinct.
And if we don’t soon recognize pollution’s a disease,
Then so much that we cherish, will soon become extinct.
All sing together in the chorus
(During the chorus, the words flash up on a screen behind the singers. This recurs for each chorus.)
Global warning, global warning, the time is long past due
For what we want to hide from, is what we know is true.
Global warning, global warning—it’s time to stop and think,
For we’re no longer at the edge but falling off the brink.
(They all look over at the Donald Dealer bot. But it remains silent. Relieved they continue.)
S1
Cyclones, monsoons, draughts, and floods, our weather is a storm.
Rain and wind and hurricanes are heaven’s earthly ire.
Deserts grow while coastlands flood, it’s now become the norm.
Islands sink while forests shrink in fire after fire.
Donald Dealer bot
(As the bot speaks, all look on in disarray.)
Fallen trees and leaves explode. Get out your rakes!
S2
(He gathers himself together and launches forth.)
Displacements, deaths from famine and disease may all soon rage.
While storms grow strong in Bangladesh and droughts persist in Texas.
Alaska’s cod’s down by four-fifths thanks to a sea heat wave.
Summer highs in Europe cause no pause for floods in Venice.
Donald Dealer bot
(As it speaks, all look on in annoyance. )
The Left’s agenda isn’t about protecting the environment. It’s about punishing America.
Chorus
Global warning, global warning, the time is long past due
For what we want to hide from, is what we know is true.
Global warning, global warning—it’s time to stop and think
For we’re no longer at the edge but falling off the brink.
S1
CO2, and methane’s next; halogens turn the tide.
Coal and oil and natural gas—our energy consumption’s
Killing trees and poisoning lakes, all things we can’t abide.
We’ve set our atmosphere aflood with get-rich-quick presumption.
Donald Dealer bot
(As it speaks, all look at each other with growing dismissiveness.)
Fossil fuels are “molecules of freedom!” Natural gas is “freedom gas!” And coal is “indestructible.”
S2
So far it may seem measured, with a rise of two degrees,
But with tipping points ascendant, what’s broken may not mend.
We’re getting ice-free summers, with science on its knees.
And now we have to wonder, how will it ever end?
Donald Dealer bot
The whole climate crisis is not only Fake News, it’s Fake Science. It’s a mythical, non-existent, expensive hoax. We have a climate and it changes. We’re clean and every other place is dirty. I’m the Number One Environmental President!
(The Administrator, S1 and S2 look away scornfully. But G is moved to action, standing up from her chair and raging at the bot. As she does so, the others watch her caringly.)
G
People are suffering, people are dying, entire ecosystems are collapsing! We are in the beginning of a mass extinction and all you can talk about is money and fairytales of eternal economic growth!
(She sings)
And now I have to wonder, when will it ever end?
Chorus
Global warning, global warning, the time is long past due
For what we want to hide from, is what we know is true.
Global warning, global warning—it’s time to stop and think
For we’re no longer at the edge but falling off the brink.
Global mourning, global mourning, global mourning.
(They all turn to the audience and speak in loud voices.)
Please hear our global warning!